We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
