I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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