there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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