Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
