and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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