I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
