remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its about making memories worth repressing
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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