smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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