May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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