i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
