I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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