I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
