I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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