I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
