Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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