i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
