Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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