What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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