I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
