I'm pants shitting drunk right now
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
