You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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