There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
