her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
