Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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