I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
