now i know why i became what i already was.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
