Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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