I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
high people should be assigned attendants
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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