just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
