I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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