Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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