you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
