dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're too hungover to prance.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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