3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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