not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
