I just saw a hot homeless man
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
