mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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