3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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