if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
