Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
