I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She bit a glass in half.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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