Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
