I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
