6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
