you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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