we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
