Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
