dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
