Where is the hickey?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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