Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
