they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize