I wish I could teleport
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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