He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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