I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The adults are the big ones right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
