But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
