Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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