Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
