When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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