I hope mine doesn't look like that
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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