also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
